How many times have you not completed a mission you set out to achieve? I’ve done it more times than I care to admit. It’s very humbling. But, I’m going to share a few. Here’s a list of my attempts at business that have since closed:

• Consulting company for small churches
• Coffee roasting company
• Church planting pastor
• Real Estate Investor

Those are just the ice breaker conversations. I could go on to share the dozens of things within those and other efforts that failed. It could be easy to look back and say tell myself I’m not capable of success. But, not succeeding is not the same as not being capable.

Despite the voices in your head telling you you’re not enough, you are enough. I love what Jon Acuff says in his book Start: “Simply put, if you don’t kill your voices, they will kill you.”

What if you discover that you just haven’t gone after the thing you’re supposed to become great at? Here’s another quote from Acuff’s book: “I’m not a find of ‘finding your purpose.’ I’m a fan of ‘living your purpose.'” Check out Jon’s brief thoughts on purpose and resilience below.

Living Your Purpose

If you’re not living your purpose you likely haven’t found a place that fits. We’ve all been there. I’ve tried. So, have you. We’ve struggled, lost our satisfaction, and started looking for greener grass.

What would happen if we discover why we are here? Could our lives be better if we live that out even in our present role? Could living with purpose bring satisfaction and fulfillment? What if that uncovers new opportunities for us to thrive in our careers because we are living in purpose? By the way, this post won’t answer all the how-tos about this topic. But, I would highly recommend Acuff’s book to explore this further.

Your Missing Puzzle

You are a piece of the puzzle. There are parts that curve in. There are parts that stick out. The shape of each of those curves and points need to fit in the right place to complete the puzzle. You can’t cram a piece that’s the wrong shape and size into another puzzle.

What if there’s a puzzle out there that is almost completed and you’re the last piece they’re looking for? You are what will complete their picture and their goal. Your unique piece is the right shape, the right size, with the right image to bring about their success and fulfillment.

I can’t promise you that the next opportunity you explore will be the completed puzzle you’ve been looking for. But, I am 100% confident that you won’t feel like you complete fit until you are living in your purpose instead of trying to find a job to fulfill your purpose.

Where to Look

Instead of going after a new job to find your purpose it’s time to go inward. Spend some time considering you are, what you’re uniquely equipped to do, and who you can serve in doing that. Then put those realizations into effect so you can start experiencing the satisfaction of those experiences.

Your adventure in self-discovering may start with having just one or two opportunities a day. But, look for the chance to do it at work, in your neighborhood, or with a non-profit. When you start to experience the satisfaction you may also uncover new opportunities where you can put your purpose into effect. Who knows? You might even start likely the job you have when you deploy the purpose within that context.

If you need some encouragement to get going again check out my other blog posts. If you specifically need help figuring out how to get a good start each morning to check out my article on Getting Unstuck with Your Morning Routine.

The post When You’re a Piece Missing Its Puzzle – Feeling Purposeless first appeared on Circle of 5 Coaching.

In the final week of the MLB Regular Season in 2023, the Texas Rangers were leading Boston Red Sox in the 7th inning.  The pitcher threw the exact pitch he wanted.  It was a perfect strike.  But, the umpire disagreed.  He called it a ball.  The batter gets on base and the go-ahead run is now at 1st.  Rangers Manager Bruce Bochy was livid.  He yells at the umpire from the dugout.  The umpire yells back and finally says, “Stop it! Enough!”  Literally less than two seconds later, the umpire ejects Bochy from the game.

This is where it gets interesting.  Bochy, 68 years old, proceeds to work his way out of the dugout–after having been ejected–to go face to face with the second year umpire.  The commentator says, “Now Boch is going to come get a pound of flesh for this one.  When you pay for it you might as well take it with you.”  Here’s the clip if you’re interested in seeing how it played out. Bochy’s time in the dugout came to a close.  The Rangers went on to lose the game. Bochy absolutely had great clarity about the umpire’s poor umping skills.

We often gain great clarity when things are coming to an end. Along with that clarity comes a boldness.  But, that’ may need to wait for another blog post.

A child is graduating, there’s a new-found sense for a parent around what is important for their child to know before leaving home.  Someone quitting their job finds new clarity (and boldness) and expresses their views about their colleagues or bosses; comments they likely would never have made a few days prior.   A family has outgrown a home, they need to move and have a new clarity around what they want from the next home.  There’s clarity in times of transition. 

A Terminal Diagnosis
In 2014 my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  The diagnosis was grim.  He was given approximately 6 months to live.  He passed just weeks before that projected timeline.

Those final 5+ months were some of the most inspiring months I remember with my dad.  He attempted chemo and the results were not promising. He chose to pursue quality of life over quantity of life.  At this point, he had no doubt that his days were numbered.  He also had no need to hold back.  He knew that if he was ever going to share something he needed to do it in these days. His I love yous, his shared opinions, and his statements about his personal faith had new strength unlike any other season in my lifetime. I had clarity that he wasn’t going to hold back anything. It was beautiful!

Most of us want clarity.  But, none of us want to go through a crisis to get it.

While we can’t truly simulate such a scenario to produce the same result, we can take actions to create transitions.  

A Threat to Clarity
We have routines and rhythms and relationships that are set.  Disrupting them seems a threat to our comfort–despite our dissatisfaction.  As long as everything stays the same and is predictable, then nothing needs to change.   But, sometimes we need a change because familiarity often restricts our clarity.

There are things in your life that are familiar but not helpful.  They’re keeping you stuck. They are known entities that keep you feeling safe.  But, at the same time, these very things are tying you down and keeping you from thriving.  

Starting New Chapters
What in your life needs to be brought to an end?  Is there something that you need to turn the page to a new chapter so you can get clarity? Is there a transition you can create to help gain clarity? Perhaps it is a job.  It may be a relationship.  It may be a volunteer role.  What can you shift yourself away from to create perspective that brings clarity?

In the examples I mentioned earlier we see good and challenging things coming to a close.  A child leaving can be good or bad, but it brings clarity to what you want them to know.  A job change may be good or bad, but it brings clarity to what you believe about the environment you want to work in. Moving from a home may be for good reasons or challenging reasons, but it brings clarity to what you want in your next home or neighborhood.

Take Action
When you are in transition you tend to get greater clarity.  Is there a transition you need to make to get greater clarity?  Spend some time contemplating that. Journaling your thoughts. Then create a plan of action to stop something in pursuit of greater clarity.

You’ve got this.  Here’s to new starts and greater clarity.

HTC

The post Gaining Clarity and Peace of Mind (without a Crisis) first appeared on Circle of 5 Coaching.

Moving Goal Posts
I highly recommend the book The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy. The authors tell a story of a wealthy client Dan coached. The client surpassed a benchmark goal he had set in a previous season.  When Sullivan inquired about it the client was disappointed.  He was upset about a deal he’d lost. He focused on what it could have been and was unable to celebrate the success. He moved the goalposts.

This idea of moving the goal posts is one that many of us confront.  We make progress toward our goal but the goal continues to change.  Whether the goal relates to our career, financial position, home, or anything else, it seems inevitable that once we “arrive” we move beyond contentment to needing more.

The Cost of More Ideas
I was a part of an extraordinary business network for a few years. The people in this group are successful, hungry, visionaries, and get things done. I loved this community.  I still do.

Each year they have a conference that is top-notch.  The event was as good as anything I had ever been a part of.  They created a balance between scheduled activity and space to engage with others.  

After having become a regular to this event, one of the organizers had noticed I wasn’t registered for the upcoming event. They appreciated me and wanted me to personally invite me to be a part of the upcoming event.  I was flattered that they would even notice my name missing.

I shared with the organizer that it was important that I not attend the event that year.  In the previous months, I had gained clarity. I knew the specific things in my business and life I needed to focus on.  If I attended that event, the likelihood of that clarity getting derailed was high.  I would see incredible ideas and be inspired by great leaders and my clarity would get muddy. I’d likely end up abandoning the track I was pursuing. This probably says more about me than the event.  But, I knew myself well enough to know this was a concern.

Do not get me wrong.  Being inspired is not bad!  But, chasing rabbits that are not aligned with your commitments can be destructive.

Capitalism. We Have a Problem
The American way is to give everyone the opportunity to pursue their dreams.  (For those getting nervous, I’m not about to go political, I promise.)  The dream of the immigrant is inspiring.  But, I think it’s changed in recent decades.  The whole culture has changed.  The definition of success has changed.  The defining characteristic of capitalism is wealth.  But, not everyone is pursuing financial wealth as their currency. In fact, many attaining wealth soon discover it’s not the fulfilling thing they were seeking all those years.

The metric of wealth is our cultural default.  Perhaps that’s because it’s the easiest dimension of our life to measure. Just click an app, enter your username and password and see your net-worth.  You immediately know if you’re meeting your expectations or not.  If you are, you promptly move the goal posts expecting more.  

But, some of us find our greatest satisfaction in relationships, spiritual activities, knowledge, or other priorities in life.  But, there’s not a bank account or app that allows us to track those areas.  How do we determine if we are achieving success?

In my own pursuit of committing myself to living more with an attitude of contentment, I came across this challenging quote: “The culturally accepted goals of health, wealth, and happiness which are essential to capitalism, are causing widespread misery (Andrew Spencer).”  Could this be true?  Could the very thing that has made America great cause our misery?

Let’s be honest about wealth.  There are a lot of extremely wealthy people that are miserable. They’ve had multiple marriages, battled health crises, and can’t stand the stillness that comes when they don’t have anything on their calendar.  Much like an addict looking for their next fix, those of us entrapped in this culture of building success through capitalism are constantly seeking more.  Many of us have lost our ability to be content.  We’ve given ourselves over to our pursuit of our goals, or worse yet, someone’s goals for us. We’ve exchanged it for the goal of living our best lives.

Breaking Free
There is no doubt that some will read this and vehemently disagree with the premise.  That’s perfectly fine.  There are people in this world wired for pursuing those things that our culture calls success.

For the rest of us, what if we were given permission to redefine success?  What if your bank account, while important to survival, was not what made you feel valued?  What if you could live your best life without depending on anyone else’s expectations of you?

This is a tough task to take on.  However, it is worth the effort.  

The process requires three key steps. I’m going to borrow language from the computer world to help navigate this process.  Here are the three steps:

1. Do a Factory Reset
   You’ve likely got programs running on your operating system (your brain and heart) that do not aligned with who you are.  You were born with some key drives and have some core values.  
   
   There are books you’ve consumed and podcasts you currently listen to that have re-shaped your views.  If you listen, you get fired up. Then, you get frustrated because their operating system isn’t working in your life. Their goals for your life do not align with your goals and values.  
   
   It’s time to do a reset and get your system running optimally again.  You’ll need to remove some things from your way of thinking that are not consistent with who you are.
2. Install the New Operating System
   You choose what software goes into your system.  You achieve this by what you listen to and read and who you engage with.  To filter those influences you need clarity on the things that matter to you.  This will keep you from getting emotionally hijacked. You don’t need to install another failed operating system.
   
   To install the right system, you need to prioritize the things that matter to you.  You have nine elements that all need to be a part of the operating system (Learn more here).  You are wired to value some of those elements more than others.  Those elements that you value at a higher level become the foundation. The rest of your system is built on that foundation. When we get this right, the pursuit of contentment becomes far more accessible.
3. Connect to a Secure Network
   When your operating system is installed it’s time to support it with the proper relationships.  This is called your network.  
   
   To protect your computer, you want to be sure not to plug into the wrong network. Doing so could create conflicts or install viruses on your computer.  The same is true in your life.  
   
   If you plug into relationships with people that do not support your pursuit and values, there is a greater risk of “viruses” getting installed on your system.  You need to surround yourself with content and people that help you pursue what you’ve realized is your priority.  This includes the books and podcasts you consume as well as the relationships you have.

Three steps sounds so easy.  But, it is a process–a hard process. You’ll need to give yourself a lot of grace.  Remember, whenever you log into email or onto social media those algorithms are going to keep the old operating system ideas in front of you.  You have to guard your system.  You have to actively pursue disconnecting from that content and keeping focused on the new orientation you’ve established.

Final Thoughts
You can find contentment even in a world of discontentment.  But, the world isn’t going to lead you to it.  It’s going to push you to drive harder and want more.  You don’t have to conform to that narrative and drive.

To achieve this it will require your commitment to pursue it.  It’s a decision you have to make.  Then you follow it with constant daily choices to resist the temptation to consume the content and ideas you’ve been pursuing. Pursue the new content and a new community that aligns with who you are and who you are becoming.Warning: Shameless Self-Promotion
If you want to start your process of doing a factory reset, join us for our upcoming 4-week online Mastermind called Bring the Best You to Your Community.   We start October 16, 2023. I have some more spaces available.  The cost is $49.  If you need a scholarship to get this mastermind at no cost, feel free to use the coupon code:  Oct23Guest

The post The Art of Contentment In World of Discontentment first appeared on Circle of 5 Coaching.