The post A Future of Hope or Hopelessness? Consider Your Friends first appeared on Circle of 5 Coaching.

I recently attended an event called Leadership Refresh. It’s a group of leaders that meets once a month at a local church to talk about leadership ideas. The vehicle used is to share a teaching from a world-class leader and then invest in some conversations around the table around the topic discussed in the teaching. It’s a simple, but dynamic engagement that is impactful.

At this particular session we watched Patrick Lencioni’s presentation from The UnConference on his topic “Are you an ideal team player?” If you want to watch the full 1-hour plus presentation I’ve embedded it below. (But, don’t quit reading this article!!!)

Lencioni’s simple premise is that we need to be players that are Hungry, Humble, and Smart (emotionally intelligent). I’ll let him explain the details in his video. You absolutely need professional colleagues that are hungry, humble, and smart. But, you also need an inner circle of people that have these characteristics, too. One of the great barriers to getting this people in your inner circle is you. If you want to attract people with these characteristics you have to be a person with them.

Empowering Your Coaches Around You

As I was contemplating this post I looked up his presentation and ended up in a TED Talk Lencioni did. This is an abbreviated version of the talk from the UnConference. But, it captures the essence of his earlier presentation well.

At the end of this version, however, he said something that really caught my attention. I’ve quoted Lencioni below. But, for those who prefer to watch or listen, here’s the link at the point in his teaching I’m discussing. Remember, don’t leave after watching this!!!

Lencioni says:

That last part really stands out to me. We need to have people around us that love us enough to speak truth into our lives. Yet, knowing this and having it are two different realities.

Helping people discover how to build their community to include the right people around them is my mission. Having people around you isn’t the goal. Having the right people around you is the goal. You need people who will love you and help you thrive. I call this your Circle of 5.

Help Finding Your People

Do you have your people? Do you need to up your people game–your circle of 5? If you’re in a place where you need some help because you recognized you don’t have the right people around you then please reach out. You are exactly who I love to work with. Perhaps you can relate to Kelly in this story. She has a crowd of people around her, but she doesn’t feel she has the people investing into her.

If you’re ready to take action, let’s do a free consult call (email me here). Let’s explore what can happen in your life to help you build a community around you that coaches you up, champions your best, and loves you.

The post Humble, Hungry, and Smart – Do you need new friends? first appeared on Circle of 5 Coaching.

During the Covid-19 lockdown, I got stuck in my business.  Like so many people, I tried to make strategic moves to position myself well.  It wasn’t going so well.  I heard about an opportunity to participate in a mentorship program, so I applied.  I was accepted and excited because now I wouldn’t be alone in my mess.

I presented my situation to a group of several dozen business leaders.  Four members of the audience heard my model, understood my areas of hurt, and volunteered to be part of my mentor panel.  I was on my way to winning at business and finally having success after seven years of building my company.

Here’s the problem: I didn’t understand what a mentor was.  That’s a little embarrassing to admit.  I’ll come back to this misunderstanding in a little bit.

We all have seasons when we need help.  When we struggle amid chaos, we try to fix it alone or reach out for any help available without discernment.  We grab onto something that offers hope, but we don’t always know if it’s the right thing.  But, at that moment, we at least feel like we aren’t alone.

We take actions like hiring a $1000/mo coach.  We join a “mastermind” group–which can mean anything nowadays.  We read another book.  We give our email address to another company that promises a path forward to success if we enter their database.  We try to find our way out.  But having a certified scuba instructor guiding you through climbing Mt. Everest is a bad matchup.  They may be very knowledgeable in certain environments.  But, in the wrong environment, they could be very dangerous.  You need the right guide for the circumstances you face.

To discern the right guide for the right circumstance, let’s look at four main types of guides you may need when facing various challenges in your life or business. 

Trainer – A trainer is an expert in a specific task or discipline.  They are transferring their knowledge to help you duplicate what needs to be done.  While a trainer may be able to show you ways to fine-tune a task or be more efficient, their ultimate goal is to get you to accomplish a desired task.

Mentor – A mentor is an expert in a specific area.  When they agree to meet with you, they seek to transfer their knowledge into your circumstances.  A mentor understands their field and can apply their experience to your circumstances.  They’ll adapt as much as possible, but the goal is to transfer their knowledge to your environment and let you leverage that as needed.  They have a skill you need to understand to advance your goals.

Counselor – This definition is simplified for brevity.  A counselor may address pain, dysfunction, and/or conflict within an individual or relationship.  They can help you understand the trigger points of such issues and unpack their real origin.  They can also guide you through identifying how the issue appears in other areas of your life.  Then, they skillfully help you untangle the complicated ties and help you to free yourself from the past to move ahead.

Coach – Coaching is centered around helping you clarify your current context and goals.  Then, a coach helps you discern the actions you need to take to achieve the desired outcome while establishing accountability and navigating obstacles.  Coaching acknowledges that you are the expert in your life. The coach helps you not lose track of that.

Let’s come back to my failed mentorship journey.  I was extremely frustrated with my mentoring group.  I tried to stick it out, but it wasn’t working.  Why were they not with me?  Why can’t they hear my questions?  Why are they getting into the weeds on this issue or that issue when what I want to talk about is completely different? 

The problem was they were being mentors and applying their knowledge to my business.  They saw broken pieces of my model.  They applied their HR, sales, and finance knowledge to my business.  But, I was not willing to let them transform those parts. I wanted them to fix my market conditions (which, of course, they couldn’t do).  My expectations of them from the start were wrong. 

Later, I realized I needed a counselor to help me unpack some of my beliefs about myself that come from the stories in my past.  I would also need a coach to help me clarify my goals and not get derailed by obstacles that may or may not be real.

We need the proper guides to get us through the challenges we face.  We need to be discerning about inviting the right people into our lives for the specific challenge.  We may need a professional or just a friend who is an extraordinary person able to play the role for us.  Books, coaching communities, networking groups, or masterminds may also benefit you.  But, the important thing is to realize that when you are stuck, the guides you let speak into your life and business matter.  Choose the proper guides for your current “environment.”

I’m forever grateful to the four people who chose me to Mentor.  I frustrated them every bit as much as they frustrated me. I think our relationship went on for about three or four months.  Now that I understand why that conflict occurred, I realize the expectation was the problem, not the people or their personalities. I am so grateful for their investment. I understand more about myself, my business, and why certain relationships may crash and burn.  

These mentors were applying their knowledge to my circumstances.  I needed that, but I wasn’t ready to receive that.  I get that now.  I’m grateful for the counseling and coaching I’ve received since then to get me to where I am now.

The post When We Need Help – Should we get a Trainer, Mentor, Counselor, or Coach first appeared on Circle of 5 Coaching.

Hope is the most important characteristic you must demand of yourself and anyone in your community.  In fact, if you are struggling to have hope I encourage you to work through that before you even build your own Circle of 5.

Hope is not tied to your circumstance.  It’s not defined by money or possessions.  It’s tied to a belief in what your future holds.

My faith provides me with a lot of hope.  I believe in Heaven and eternal life.  That helps me be rooted in the chaos that life brings in various seasons.  Whether you have a religious faith or not, you have to place  hope in something. You have to surround yourselves with people who have hope in something, as well.

When you, or someone you let into your Circle of 5 does not have hope you cannot show up in a strong way.  You cannot effectively build your best life or the lives of the other people in your Circle.

Being full of hope doesn’t mean that every day is a good day.  In fact, even people of hope go through hard seasons.  But, it means you have a conviction that believes you have more life to live and dreams to achieve than the current circumstance offers.

When you let people without hope into your inner circle it becomes harder to look to your hope and easier to dwelling on the troubles of life (queue social media warning here). How do you discern hope in yourself or the people around you?  The best way is to listen.

People without hope tend to talk about their past more than their future.  They talk about their frustrations more than their opportunities.  They blame others for their circumstance more than taking responsibility for themselves.  People without hope tend to live in a negative and victim mindset 

(NOTE:  If you have been a victim of something, your best way to free yourself is with a trained counselor. A good counselor can help you see the things that hold you back and guide you through the process required to break free from the injustice that happened.  It takes a lot of work.  But, it is necessary to regain that true hope in your life.)

You’ll know when you encounter a person of hope.  They offer encouragement more than criticism.  They speak of their future more than their past.  When they discuss their past, it is constructive and they are not tied to it–they’re better for it.  They are clear that life is bringing more opportunities and they are taking action to get there.

You need to be a person of hope in order to build a Circle of 5 with people of hope.  If you’re struggling with having hope please reach out to me.  Let me know where you’re at. Perhaps you’ll be interested in our new community we will be launching soon to help prepare people to build their Circle of 5.  We can build a team together that will have the right mood, attitudes, grooves for building the momentum that comes from a community of hope.

The post Do Not Let Hopeless People In first appeared on Circle of 5 Coaching.