Thread #1: Security

The exploration of this concept originally came in a conversation with Troy Nelson, the executive director of . Full disclosure, Troy is my brother. ARM is a faith-based organization that provides resources and takes a message of hope and transformation into prisons.

Like a pre-flight safety check before taking off, examining the security thread is essential. My own interesting in exploring this thread came conversations with Troy Nelson, the Executive Director of American Rehabilitation Ministries (ARM). Every individual seeks a unique sense of security. It may manifest as routines or key relationships for prisoners longing for safety within the confines of walls, or as a protective demeanor for someone grappling with the unexpected loss of a marriage.

Whether it’s creating distance, building empires, or wearing a mask, our actions and interactions are usually rooted in the pursuit of security. Recognizing and fortifying this thread is paramount, as a lack of security can destabilize our pursuit of satisfaction across all Nine Elements of Life.

Thread #2: Value

The second thread, value, weaves purpose, respect, and love into the fabric of our lives. Organizations that value their members radiate positivity, energy, and satisfaction. Feeling valued ignites a sense of belonging and purpose, propelling individuals to contribute their best to a team, relationship, or endeavor.

When I work with organizations you can feel the culture when you walk in. When people are valued you feel an energy, you see smiles, you sense a satisfaction with being a part of the team. But, when you walk into an organization that sees their employees as numbers instead of people, you feel the heaviness. You feel the dissatisfaction, see the expressionless faces, and the routine checks of their watches to see how much longer they have to endure working today.

Value helps you keep moving. You see how you fit into the rest of what’s happening. Whether it is with your company, your relationships, or your sports team, when you have clarity on what is needed from you and why it matters it pushes you to do your part. You are experiencing being valued.

One of the greatest examples of this I have is when i talk to my friend Brad. Brad worked for my father-in-law, Dallas, in a manufacturing company. Years after my father-in-law retired whenever I would be in town and run into Brad he would humbly express how much my Dallas meant to him. It takes one singular conversation to realize it was not because Dallas gave Brad a job. It was because Dallas invested in and cared about Brad’s life. Brad felt, and was valued by his Boss and friend. Every one of us needs to feel loved, respected, and a sense of contributing. We all need value.

Understanding one’s role and significance is vital for progress, and clarity on how one contributes makes the journey fulfilling. We all crave that sense of being loved, respected, and making a meaningful contribution—this is the essence of the value thread.

Thread #3: Hope

In my darkest seasons the common denominator is a loss of hope. When my father was sick I lost hope. As a business owner losing key employees there’s a sense of losing hope. As a fan of sports when my favorite team gives up a score in the final moments of a game I lose hope. I begin to grieve my loss.

When we lose hope we lose perspective of so many other important things. Without the thread of hope we will struggle to live into our Life Elements in a fulfilling way.

In my opinion, the best expression of this idea of the importance of hope is Viktor Frankl’s work “Man’s Search for Meaning.” Frankl was a Psychiatrist and Philosopher that endured the horrors of the Holocaust. Frankl observed that the single most important factor for surviving was having hope for the future. Those that lost their drive to accomplish something beyond Auschwitz would inevitably lose their physical and mental health.

Examining Our LIFELINE

In times of struggle, our lifeline must be robust and resilient. The combination of all three threads—Security, Value, and Hope—provides the strength needed to weather life’s storms. One thread alone is insufficient, two may be better, but it’s the triad that creates an unyielding lifeline.

How is Your LIFELINE?

So, how is your lifeline? Are you facing a season where the threads are strained or in need of repair? In those moments, reaching out for support becomes an act of courage. Circle of 5 Coaching is here to help you navigate your journey, identify weaknesses in your lifeline, and guide you on the path to repair and rejuvenation.

Your lifeline deserves attention, and it would be an honor for us to stand by you as you strengthen the threads of Security, Value, and Hope. In seeking support, you embark on a transformative journey towards a life that not only survives but flourishes—one where the threads of your existence weave a narrative of resilience, purpose, and unwavering hope.

The post Your LIFELINE: Seeking Security, Value, and Hope first appeared on Circle of 5 Coaching.

Initially, the tractor appears straightforward—eight tires evenly spaced, a testament to precision engineering. Yet, let’s refine our focus. By shifting the question from tires to wheels, a nuanced revelation emerges. Eight functional wheels seamlessly operating, coupled with the crucial ninth— the steering wheel. While engineers might discern more complexities (here’s one for you engineers), for the rest of us, the eight wheels with tires and the steering wheel encapsulate the essence.

Your Nine Wheels

This insightful exercise serves as a metaphor for life, prompting you to reconsider the breadth of your personal landscape. As a seasoned professional, you’re accustomed to assessing your life through a narrow prism—perhaps fixating on financial achievements or nurturing relationships. However, your life, much like the tractor, comprises nine essential elements, each integral to the smooth operation of your personal vehicle. Here they are in alphabetical order:

• Cultural: Navigating the unwritten rules shaped by your past experiences.
• Emotional: Understanding and engaging with your personal narrative.
• Environmental: Grasping external factors impacting your life’s trajectory.
• Financial: Managing the demands of your financial landscape and future planning.
• Intellectual: Exercising your mind, fostering growth, and accruing wisdom.
• Physical: Ensuring wellness and activity within the confines of a demanding life with limited medication.
• Relational: Building a healthy support network around yourself.
• Spiritual: Cultivating a sense of self, purpose, and values in your life.
• Vocational: Gaining clarity on daily responsibilities and commitments.

Your life vehicle, akin to the tractor, encompasses all nine of these elements, whether you consciously recognize them or not. In a world often fixated on financial, physical, and relational facets, adopting a holistic view becomes paramount for a fulfilling life.

Flat Tires

Now, let’s explore the concept of “flat tires” within your personal vehicle. Envision navigating life’s terrain with a few deflated metaphorical tires. Just as one flat tire limits a tractor’s functionality, neglecting any of the nine elements hinders your life’s optimal operation. Many professionals unwittingly navigate with three to five metaphorical “flat tires,” compromising holistic success for a myopic focus.

Consider the high-achieving professional, working tirelessly—applauded by colleagues (vocational) but estranged from family (relational). Personal fitness and well-being (physical) might be neglected. When expectations in one element of life are achieved while those other element’s needs are unmet, a lingering sense of incompleteness overshadows the success.

That elusive fulfillment, despite personal accomplishments, is often a consequence of overlooking vital areas of your life. As a discerning professional, embrace the challenge of inflating those metaphorical tires and optimizing all nine elements. Satisfaction and completeness in your life journey await those who navigate with a comprehensive and strategic approach. Take the driver’s seat and accelerate toward a harmonious and fulfilling life.

If you are interested in having a guide on your reworking what you consider a satisfying life please reach out and shoot me an email.

The post When Your So-Called Zen Life Feels Disappointing: Re-working Success first appeared on Circle of 5 Coaching.

There have been a lot of disruptions in my wife’s and my world in the last two months. With the disruption there has been grief.

Grief is a mysterious thing. You expect it when you go through loss. But, it keeps jumping out in front of you when you’re just going about your life. You’re eating dinner, or driving, or listening to the radio and there it leaps out into you mind and your heart.

I know grief is necessary. But, it’s so hard.

To add to the difficulty, when you’re having a good day, someone you love may be having their off day. Their grief shows up again. It douses you like a sopping wet blanket, waking you up to reality. A reality, mind you, you don’t really want to face.

The nature of grief is to withdraw. You don’t feel like being with people. You don’t feel like creating new and good memories. But, the antidote to grief is often found in have someone to express it to. Someone who will listen without trying to fix you. Someone who embraces the fact that grief is a healthy part of the healing process.

If you’re in a season of grief and you need time with that someone, I challenge you to reach out to them today. Get time with them on your calendar to connect in a space where you can be authentic. If you don’t have someone I want to invite you to reach out to me. Don’t grieve alone.

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P.S. – Remember, you may be who they need, too.

Want to Dig a Little Deeper into Understanding Grief?

Check out this article from NPR that talks about the difference between grief and grieving and how to help people grieving.

The post Grief is a Mysterious Thing first appeared on Circle of 5 Coaching.

The post A Future of Hope or Hopelessness? Consider Your Friends first appeared on Circle of 5 Coaching.

I recently attended an event called Leadership Refresh. It’s a group of leaders that meets once a month at a local church to talk about leadership ideas. The vehicle used is to share a teaching from a world-class leader and then invest in some conversations around the table around the topic discussed in the teaching. It’s a simple, but dynamic engagement that is impactful.

At this particular session we watched Patrick Lencioni’s presentation from The UnConference on his topic “Are you an ideal team player?” If you want to watch the full 1-hour plus presentation I’ve embedded it below. (But, don’t quit reading this article!!!)

Lencioni’s simple premise is that we need to be players that are Hungry, Humble, and Smart (emotionally intelligent). I’ll let him explain the details in his video. You absolutely need professional colleagues that are hungry, humble, and smart. But, you also need an inner circle of people that have these characteristics, too. One of the great barriers to getting this people in your inner circle is you. If you want to attract people with these characteristics you have to be a person with them.

Empowering Your Coaches Around You

As I was contemplating this post I looked up his presentation and ended up in a TED Talk Lencioni did. This is an abbreviated version of the talk from the UnConference. But, it captures the essence of his earlier presentation well.

At the end of this version, however, he said something that really caught my attention. I’ve quoted Lencioni below. But, for those who prefer to watch or listen, here’s the link at the point in his teaching I’m discussing. Remember, don’t leave after watching this!!!

Lencioni says:

That last part really stands out to me. We need to have people around us that love us enough to speak truth into our lives. Yet, knowing this and having it are two different realities.

Helping people discover how to build their community to include the right people around them is my mission. Having people around you isn’t the goal. Having the right people around you is the goal. You need people who will love you and help you thrive. I call this your Circle of 5.

Help Finding Your People

Do you have your people? Do you need to up your people game–your circle of 5? If you’re in a place where you need some help because you recognized you don’t have the right people around you then please reach out. You are exactly who I love to work with. Perhaps you can relate to Kelly in this story. She has a crowd of people around her, but she doesn’t feel she has the people investing into her.

If you’re ready to take action, let’s do a free consult call (email me here). Let’s explore what can happen in your life to help you build a community around you that coaches you up, champions your best, and loves you.

The post Humble, Hungry, and Smart – Do you need new friends? first appeared on Circle of 5 Coaching.

How many times have you not completed a mission you set out to achieve? I’ve done it more times than I care to admit. It’s very humbling. But, I’m going to share a few. Here’s a list of my attempts at business that have since closed:

• Consulting company for small churches
• Coffee roasting company
• Church planting pastor
• Real Estate Investor

Those are just the ice breaker conversations. I could go on to share the dozens of things within those and other efforts that failed. It could be easy to look back and say tell myself I’m not capable of success. But, not succeeding is not the same as not being capable.

Despite the voices in your head telling you you’re not enough, you are enough. I love what Jon Acuff says in his book Start: “Simply put, if you don’t kill your voices, they will kill you.”

What if you discover that you just haven’t gone after the thing you’re supposed to become great at? Here’s another quote from Acuff’s book: “I’m not a find of ‘finding your purpose.’ I’m a fan of ‘living your purpose.'” Check out Jon’s brief thoughts on purpose and resilience below.

Living Your Purpose

If you’re not living your purpose you likely haven’t found a place that fits. We’ve all been there. I’ve tried. So, have you. We’ve struggled, lost our satisfaction, and started looking for greener grass.

What would happen if we discover why we are here? Could our lives be better if we live that out even in our present role? Could living with purpose bring satisfaction and fulfillment? What if that uncovers new opportunities for us to thrive in our careers because we are living in purpose? By the way, this post won’t answer all the how-tos about this topic. But, I would highly recommend Acuff’s book to explore this further.

Your Missing Puzzle

You are a piece of the puzzle. There are parts that curve in. There are parts that stick out. The shape of each of those curves and points need to fit in the right place to complete the puzzle. You can’t cram a piece that’s the wrong shape and size into another puzzle.

What if there’s a puzzle out there that is almost completed and you’re the last piece they’re looking for? You are what will complete their picture and their goal. Your unique piece is the right shape, the right size, with the right image to bring about their success and fulfillment.

I can’t promise you that the next opportunity you explore will be the completed puzzle you’ve been looking for. But, I am 100% confident that you won’t feel like you complete fit until you are living in your purpose instead of trying to find a job to fulfill your purpose.

Where to Look

Instead of going after a new job to find your purpose it’s time to go inward. Spend some time considering you are, what you’re uniquely equipped to do, and who you can serve in doing that. Then put those realizations into effect so you can start experiencing the satisfaction of those experiences.

Your adventure in self-discovering may start with having just one or two opportunities a day. But, look for the chance to do it at work, in your neighborhood, or with a non-profit. When you start to experience the satisfaction you may also uncover new opportunities where you can put your purpose into effect. Who knows? You might even start likely the job you have when you deploy the purpose within that context.

If you need some encouragement to get going again check out my other blog posts. If you specifically need help figuring out how to get a good start each morning to check out my article on Getting Unstuck with Your Morning Routine.

The post When You’re a Piece Missing Its Puzzle – Feeling Purposeless first appeared on Circle of 5 Coaching.

I’m a fan of the fairly obscure sport of disc golf. Despite its lack of popularity, I love to watch it. Watching pros throw a disc 300-400+’ and getting it to land on an island hole that’s less than 40′ wide is a beautiful art form to me. Some of these players can throw a disc 500-600′. I love watching these moments. Here’s a few great ones from Calvin Heimburg.

(Article continues below video.)

I started playing disc golf when I was 49 years old. I feel great about throwing a disc 275+’. Recently I even hit 330′. I was incredibly excited about that throw. Still, I don’t have a lot of aspirations of throwing 600′ bombs. My sons see it in their future. But, they’re 20, 14, and 11. I think they’ll achieve that (#NelsonBoysDiscGolf). Nonetheless, I’m still working on my game.

The Reality of the Body

The truth we all face is that our bodies will not keep getting stronger. At some point, the weight of this world and the wear of age cause us to peak. Nonetheless,This reality doesn’t mean we should justify being unhealthy. But, it does mean that age will eventually limit our ability to throw longer, lift more, or do a variety of other things we used to do when we were younger.

What Does Last?

As I was reading this week I encountered a concept I hadn’t given much thought to. Our bodies will wear down. Yet, there are things in our lives that will get stronger and healthier when invested in.

While contemplating this premise and the nine elements of a person I realize that many of these things are within our control. I believe at least 7 of these elements cannot be weakened by age. In fact, I think they will be strengthened. Here they are:

• Spiritual
• Relational
• Emotional
• Intellectual
• Financial
• Environmental
• Cultural

Perhaps this begs the another question. What are the two things that may have limitations by age? Ironically, they are the two things most of us put most of our attention towards.

• Physical
• Vocational (Although one could argue this just changes in retirement.)

This prompts me to reconsider all the time we invest in careers and health. It’s not that those things are not important. Indeed, they absolutely are. Without good health you may not have a season after retirement. Without a good vocational track you may struggle to achieve some of the other things (If your miserable in your career are you going to thrive in these other areas?). However, intentional investment in these other areas will create impact beyond the peak of our health and careers.

Thoughts? How can you be more intentional about longer-lasting impacts in your life?

Comment below or join in on this conversations and others at our Facebook Page.

The post Your Obsession with Health and Careers May Be Unhealthy first appeared on Circle of 5 Coaching.

During the Covid-19 lockdown, I got stuck in my business.  Like so many people, I tried to make strategic moves to position myself well.  It wasn’t going so well.  I heard about an opportunity to participate in a mentorship program, so I applied.  I was accepted and excited because now I wouldn’t be alone in my mess.

I presented my situation to a group of several dozen business leaders.  Four members of the audience heard my model, understood my areas of hurt, and volunteered to be part of my mentor panel.  I was on my way to winning at business and finally having success after seven years of building my company.

Here’s the problem: I didn’t understand what a mentor was.  That’s a little embarrassing to admit.  I’ll come back to this misunderstanding in a little bit.

We all have seasons when we need help.  When we struggle amid chaos, we try to fix it alone or reach out for any help available without discernment.  We grab onto something that offers hope, but we don’t always know if it’s the right thing.  But, at that moment, we at least feel like we aren’t alone.

We take actions like hiring a $1000/mo coach.  We join a “mastermind” group–which can mean anything nowadays.  We read another book.  We give our email address to another company that promises a path forward to success if we enter their database.  We try to find our way out.  But having a certified scuba instructor guiding you through climbing Mt. Everest is a bad matchup.  They may be very knowledgeable in certain environments.  But, in the wrong environment, they could be very dangerous.  You need the right guide for the circumstances you face.

To discern the right guide for the right circumstance, let’s look at four main types of guides you may need when facing various challenges in your life or business. 

Trainer – A trainer is an expert in a specific task or discipline.  They are transferring their knowledge to help you duplicate what needs to be done.  While a trainer may be able to show you ways to fine-tune a task or be more efficient, their ultimate goal is to get you to accomplish a desired task.

Mentor – A mentor is an expert in a specific area.  When they agree to meet with you, they seek to transfer their knowledge into your circumstances.  A mentor understands their field and can apply their experience to your circumstances.  They’ll adapt as much as possible, but the goal is to transfer their knowledge to your environment and let you leverage that as needed.  They have a skill you need to understand to advance your goals.

Counselor – This definition is simplified for brevity.  A counselor may address pain, dysfunction, and/or conflict within an individual or relationship.  They can help you understand the trigger points of such issues and unpack their real origin.  They can also guide you through identifying how the issue appears in other areas of your life.  Then, they skillfully help you untangle the complicated ties and help you to free yourself from the past to move ahead.

Coach – Coaching is centered around helping you clarify your current context and goals.  Then, a coach helps you discern the actions you need to take to achieve the desired outcome while establishing accountability and navigating obstacles.  Coaching acknowledges that you are the expert in your life. The coach helps you not lose track of that.

Let’s come back to my failed mentorship journey.  I was extremely frustrated with my mentoring group.  I tried to stick it out, but it wasn’t working.  Why were they not with me?  Why can’t they hear my questions?  Why are they getting into the weeds on this issue or that issue when what I want to talk about is completely different? 

The problem was they were being mentors and applying their knowledge to my business.  They saw broken pieces of my model.  They applied their HR, sales, and finance knowledge to my business.  But, I was not willing to let them transform those parts. I wanted them to fix my market conditions (which, of course, they couldn’t do).  My expectations of them from the start were wrong. 

Later, I realized I needed a counselor to help me unpack some of my beliefs about myself that come from the stories in my past.  I would also need a coach to help me clarify my goals and not get derailed by obstacles that may or may not be real.

We need the proper guides to get us through the challenges we face.  We need to be discerning about inviting the right people into our lives for the specific challenge.  We may need a professional or just a friend who is an extraordinary person able to play the role for us.  Books, coaching communities, networking groups, or masterminds may also benefit you.  But, the important thing is to realize that when you are stuck, the guides you let speak into your life and business matter.  Choose the proper guides for your current “environment.”

I’m forever grateful to the four people who chose me to Mentor.  I frustrated them every bit as much as they frustrated me. I think our relationship went on for about three or four months.  Now that I understand why that conflict occurred, I realize the expectation was the problem, not the people or their personalities. I am so grateful for their investment. I understand more about myself, my business, and why certain relationships may crash and burn.  

These mentors were applying their knowledge to my circumstances.  I needed that, but I wasn’t ready to receive that.  I get that now.  I’m grateful for the counseling and coaching I’ve received since then to get me to where I am now.

The post When We Need Help – Should we get a Trainer, Mentor, Counselor, or Coach first appeared on Circle of 5 Coaching.

Hope is the most important characteristic you must demand of yourself and anyone in your community.  In fact, if you are struggling to have hope I encourage you to work through that before you even build your own Circle of 5.

Hope is not tied to your circumstance.  It’s not defined by money or possessions.  It’s tied to a belief in what your future holds.

My faith provides me with a lot of hope.  I believe in Heaven and eternal life.  That helps me be rooted in the chaos that life brings in various seasons.  Whether you have a religious faith or not, you have to place  hope in something. You have to surround yourselves with people who have hope in something, as well.

When you, or someone you let into your Circle of 5 does not have hope you cannot show up in a strong way.  You cannot effectively build your best life or the lives of the other people in your Circle.

Being full of hope doesn’t mean that every day is a good day.  In fact, even people of hope go through hard seasons.  But, it means you have a conviction that believes you have more life to live and dreams to achieve than the current circumstance offers.

When you let people without hope into your inner circle it becomes harder to look to your hope and easier to dwelling on the troubles of life (queue social media warning here). How do you discern hope in yourself or the people around you?  The best way is to listen.

People without hope tend to talk about their past more than their future.  They talk about their frustrations more than their opportunities.  They blame others for their circumstance more than taking responsibility for themselves.  People without hope tend to live in a negative and victim mindset 

(NOTE:  If you have been a victim of something, your best way to free yourself is with a trained counselor. A good counselor can help you see the things that hold you back and guide you through the process required to break free from the injustice that happened.  It takes a lot of work.  But, it is necessary to regain that true hope in your life.)

You’ll know when you encounter a person of hope.  They offer encouragement more than criticism.  They speak of their future more than their past.  When they discuss their past, it is constructive and they are not tied to it–they’re better for it.  They are clear that life is bringing more opportunities and they are taking action to get there.

You need to be a person of hope in order to build a Circle of 5 with people of hope.  If you’re struggling with having hope please reach out to me.  Let me know where you’re at. Perhaps you’ll be interested in our new community we will be launching soon to help prepare people to build their Circle of 5.  We can build a team together that will have the right mood, attitudes, grooves for building the momentum that comes from a community of hope.

The post Do Not Let Hopeless People In first appeared on Circle of 5 Coaching.

Your life is a blend of several complicated aspects. When you’re living it, there are many challenges to keeping track of all of those dimensions. Building an intentional community around you helps you see where you’re thriving and struggling. Here are the nine areas I’ve identified as the Elements of Life we need to nurture.

Which Element of Life do you find most challenging to nurture?

The post The Nine Elements of Life first appeared on Circle of 5 Coaching.