During the Covid-19 lockdown, I got stuck in my business.  Like so many people, I tried to make strategic moves to position myself well.  It wasn’t going so well.  I heard about an opportunity to participate in a mentorship program, so I applied.  I was accepted and excited because now I wouldn’t be alone in my mess.

I presented my situation to a group of several dozen business leaders.  Four members of the audience heard my model, understood my areas of hurt, and volunteered to be part of my mentor panel.  I was on my way to winning at business and finally having success after seven years of building my company.

Here’s the problem: I didn’t understand what a mentor was.  That’s a little embarrassing to admit.  I’ll come back to this misunderstanding in a little bit.

We all have seasons when we need help.  When we struggle amid chaos, we try to fix it alone or reach out for any help available without discernment.  We grab onto something that offers hope, but we don’t always know if it’s the right thing.  But, at that moment, we at least feel like we aren’t alone.

We take actions like hiring a $1000/mo coach.  We join a “mastermind” group–which can mean anything nowadays.  We read another book.  We give our email address to another company that promises a path forward to success if we enter their database.  We try to find our way out.  But having a certified scuba instructor guiding you through climbing Mt. Everest is a bad matchup.  They may be very knowledgeable in certain environments.  But, in the wrong environment, they could be very dangerous.  You need the right guide for the circumstances you face.

To discern the right guide for the right circumstance, let’s look at four main types of guides you may need when facing various challenges in your life or business. 

Trainer – A trainer is an expert in a specific task or discipline.  They are transferring their knowledge to help you duplicate what needs to be done.  While a trainer may be able to show you ways to fine-tune a task or be more efficient, their ultimate goal is to get you to accomplish a desired task.

Mentor – A mentor is an expert in a specific area.  When they agree to meet with you, they seek to transfer their knowledge into your circumstances.  A mentor understands their field and can apply their experience to your circumstances.  They’ll adapt as much as possible, but the goal is to transfer their knowledge to your environment and let you leverage that as needed.  They have a skill you need to understand to advance your goals.

Counselor – This definition is simplified for brevity.  A counselor may address pain, dysfunction, and/or conflict within an individual or relationship.  They can help you understand the trigger points of such issues and unpack their real origin.  They can also guide you through identifying how the issue appears in other areas of your life.  Then, they skillfully help you untangle the complicated ties and help you to free yourself from the past to move ahead.

Coach – Coaching is centered around helping you clarify your current context and goals.  Then, a coach helps you discern the actions you need to take to achieve the desired outcome while establishing accountability and navigating obstacles.  Coaching acknowledges that you are the expert in your life. The coach helps you not lose track of that.

Let’s come back to my failed mentorship journey.  I was extremely frustrated with my mentoring group.  I tried to stick it out, but it wasn’t working.  Why were they not with me?  Why can’t they hear my questions?  Why are they getting into the weeds on this issue or that issue when what I want to talk about is completely different? 

The problem was they were being mentors and applying their knowledge to my business.  They saw broken pieces of my model.  They applied their HR, sales, and finance knowledge to my business.  But, I was not willing to let them transform those parts. I wanted them to fix my market conditions (which, of course, they couldn’t do).  My expectations of them from the start were wrong. 

Later, I realized I needed a counselor to help me unpack some of my beliefs about myself that come from the stories in my past.  I would also need a coach to help me clarify my goals and not get derailed by obstacles that may or may not be real.

We need the proper guides to get us through the challenges we face.  We need to be discerning about inviting the right people into our lives for the specific challenge.  We may need a professional or just a friend who is an extraordinary person able to play the role for us.  Books, coaching communities, networking groups, or masterminds may also benefit you.  But, the important thing is to realize that when you are stuck, the guides you let speak into your life and business matter.  Choose the proper guides for your current “environment.”

I’m forever grateful to the four people who chose me to Mentor.  I frustrated them every bit as much as they frustrated me. I think our relationship went on for about three or four months.  Now that I understand why that conflict occurred, I realize the expectation was the problem, not the people or their personalities. I am so grateful for their investment. I understand more about myself, my business, and why certain relationships may crash and burn.  

These mentors were applying their knowledge to my circumstances.  I needed that, but I wasn’t ready to receive that.  I get that now.  I’m grateful for the counseling and coaching I’ve received since then to get me to where I am now.